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Submitted on
February 14, 2010
File Size
6.9 KB


9 (who?)
Characters: Captain, Pilot, Engineer, Sniper, The Cult of Lemonade, Three Repulsive Mutants, Swarms of Mutant Ants, Skeletons, Man with Umbrella

Locations: Int Toy Factory, Top of a ruined Street Hill, Ext Office Building, Int Office Building, Int Ice Cave, Int Lemonade Temple, EXT Giant Ant-Hive, Ext Junk Yard, Bus-stop, Ext Ruined Street, Ext Fireworks Factory

Props: Multiple assorted children's toys, Four Tricycles, A Rubik's Cube, A Wrench, A Pair of Portable Rocket-Boosters (Alternatively, Two Large bottles of Soda), A Sticky-Dart Pistol Toy, Folding Wings, Drinking Straw, Lemonade Can, Umbrella, Knife, Fireworks

Audio: There are no sound-effects perse. 100% of the 2 Minute 12 second film's audio is comprised of this song:…



Int Toy Factory - Morning

Darkness. Sliding door opens, casting bright light over a sea of children's toys. Four figures stand in the doorway - the shapes of the CAPTAIN, the ENGINEER, the PILOT and the SNIPER.


The four characters move into the Factory, pausing for a moment to take in the magnitude of the glorious treasure they have discovered. They glance briefly at each other, then lunge forward into the piles of toys.


A brief montage occurs, showing the four protagonists eagerly digging through the cuddly loot, eyeing some objects with joy and others with total confusion. The montage comes to an abrupt end with all four characters stumbling upon boxes of unopened tricycles.


During the sharp chords which occur during this part of the song, for each chord, a different character is seen pulling out their tricycle from the box.


Again, chord for chord, the ENGINEER attaches the Booster Rockets to his trike, the PILOT plants a strange looking rectangular box to the seat of his trike, the SNIPER hangs his Rubik's cube around his handlebars and the CAPTAIN tucks his drinking straw into his coat.


On the relevant beats, the characters pick up their brand new tricycles and carry them outside through the sliding door.

EXT Ruined Street - Morning - Overcast


Placing the tricycles on the ground at the top of a steep, ruined street, the four characters line themselves up and peer down the hill.


With determined poses and even more determined hand gestures, the four stare each other down for the last few moments before the inevitable kick off...


The most epic race in post-apocalyptic history begins as the CAPTAIN and his men kick off down the hill, peddling furiously and steering to avoid the pot-holes as they careen down the street towards the office building at the bottom of the road.

INT Office Building - Morning


The CAPTAIN, the PILOT and the SNIPER enter first, very close together. They steer sharply to avoid the cubicle in front of them and swerve around it and out the other side of the building... the ENGINEER is not afraid of poorly constructed cubicles, and with a boost from his 'rockets', he simply smashes straight through the flimsy wall.

EXT Bus-Stop - Morning - Overcast


The four racers plough past a thoroughly run-down old bus-stop. Only two occupants sit still awaiting the eternally late bus; a skeleton in a business suit, and a man who is quite alive, wearing a formal suit, a fedora and a white gas-mask, a pink umbrella open over his head. He watches with vague interest as the race peddles by, into the mouth of an icy cave.


The racers enter a frozen cave which stretches off in all directions. The SNIPER reaches for his sticky-dart toy pistol.


In a thoroughly underhanded move, he shoots the wheel of the PILOT's tricycle, sending him spinning off down a side-tunnel.


As the other three continue towards the other end of the Cave, the PILOT spins uncontrollably, slipping on the icy ground and rapidly approaching a rather high fall if he can't do something soon... fortunately, he pushes a button on the top of the rectangular box on his tricycle seat.

INT Lemonade Temple


The CAPTAIN, the ENGINEER and the SNIPER emerge through a pair of mouldy double doors and peddle rapidly up the central aisle during a meeting of the Cult of Lemonade, who watch in total bewilderment. A moment later, the PILOT careens from a hole in the ceiling, soaring through the air with a pair of miniature wings protruding from either side of his seat.


With the PILOT swooping down on him, the CAPTAIN scoots past the leader of the Cult of Lemonade and swipes the Holy Lemonade Can on his way through. With the entire Cult rising from their seats to chase after them, the CAPTAIN plants the drinking straw in the can and chugs down to give himself a sugary boost as the quarter leave the temple.

EXT Giant Ant Hive


The four trike-men of the Apocalypse surge past an enormous mutant ant-hill, with the PILOT finally having landed on the ground again and peddling along with the others, the Ants not really caring one way or the other.

EXT Junk Yard


Three rather repulsive looking mutants have a member of the Cult of Lemonade surrounded, with two holding his arms and the third about to shank him with a knife... but in the nick of time, the CAPTAIN and his crew race past, bowling over the mutants and leaving the cultist to make good his escape.

EXT Ruined Street


The race is neck and neck as it nears its close, the four men bunched up together as they vie for the finish line up ahead - the doors to an abandoned Fireworks Factory.

EXT Fireworks Factory


The finish line rapidly approaches as the crew put in their last effort... and the CAPTAIN crosses first! But all their Tricycles are stuck together now, and they find themselves careening into the open doors of the Fireworks Factory...


As can be expected from such a location, the finale of the film depicts fireworks exploding from every door and window of the factory, the four heroes scattering out the front-door, their tricycles clutched tightly in their arms as they dash for cover, the fire-works lighting up the sky.

Fade to Black
Seriously... when you're reading this script, listen to the song: [link]

This is purely the script as it appeared in my dream last night - and I've written it for a sort of fantasy world where all the technical effects could be pulled off... If it were to genuinely be made, I'd re-write parts of it to be easier to depict on-screen, but in an ideal world, this is the pure script in all its madness...

Try your best to visualise the images to correspond with the parts of the song in which they appear - and ENJOY!
Add a Comment:
Sunjinjo Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a thing of beauty. It made my night and probably my entire next week. :D :D
And the music is now an official track to RA. Itīs perfect.
Rythmear Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think it's perfectly suited :D - but then, I just think classical music suits ze captain...

I see you've chosen a blackout icon?
Sunjinjo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Even though itīs set in the future, if RA - and indeed especially Zee Captain - had a theme song itīd be classical.
Yep. Though Iīm seeing too little outcry!
Rythmear Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh there's plenty of outcry from me! Here, give it a thumbs up and a fav, and SPREAD IT AROUND! [link]
Sunjinjo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
AW YEAH. That will turn some heads.
Would give eleventy thumbs up if I had an account, but Iīve been agreeing and shouting all over Facebook and a couple of petitions, so my opinionīs clear...
Rythmear Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Damn straight! You'd be doin' us all a favour if you flung that video around a bit too... Every little bit helps, and if that alerts even a few clueless TF2 players to it, it'll help!
Sunjinjo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
On my way to already have done it, good sir! :thumbsup:
Rythmear Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Element-Crystal Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Epic! If that were included in the series, I think I'd see this as more of a flashback or something since it's so short, though. But serious, you can only truly appreciate the humor if you know what the song is and stuff, even more when you listen to the two at the same time. Absolutely wonderful, though. It's very well thought through and I have a definite picture in my head that I hope (and am sure) closely matches the one you have.
Rythmear Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
^.^ I'm glad to hear it :D - It's an epic piece of music, and just fits SO well!
Add a Comment: