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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member The Umbrella ManMale/Australia Groups :iconprincesslucinda-fans: PrincessLucinda-Fans
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Get Back Here by LunariChaos

Well now... I don't think this really needs that much of an in-depth analysis - but I'll certainly try my best to convey my thoughts as...

Kenpudio AFL Quarter Final by Kenpudiosaki

Throughout the entire AFL tournament, Kenpudiosaki has made a series of consistently excellent art pieces, which have never failed to c...


Umbrella Man 49 by Rythmear
Umbrella Man 49
... you should really look at things from another angle.

(Photo taken by Spike Tickner and featuring Mr. Tim Kellaway)
Umbrella Man 47 by Rythmear
Umbrella Man 47
It wouldn't be entirely accurate to say that nobody can see the Umbrella Man unless he so wishes. Indeed, even without the occasions when he's glimpsed through the blinking eyes of a soul on the brink of slumber or spied out of the corner of your eye as you shiver in the moonlight by the bus-stop, his natural illusions have no sway over the perceptions of the mad or the unhinged.

Not that he minds of course; even if they told, who would believe?

(Photo kindly taken by Spike Tickner and featuring the Hatty Fatners band.)
“How do we know each-other? Oh that’s no big story; he’s my brother.”

“Your… brother? I’m not going to pretend like I don’t find your answer rather surprising.”

“You’re not the only one. There’s no legal documentation or anything, but that’s just part of his whole character I think. He never announced his visits to my foster parents while they were still around and all our communication has been rather private. But there’s no doubt; we all lived in the same house when I was a baby and he’s the reason I’m here at all.”

“Is that so? I’d assumed by the mention of foster homes that something happened to your biological parents, but I didn’t wish to pry into the details.”

“I don’t mind telling you; it’s not a particularly exciting story, just a string of unfortunate circumstances with one silver lining… You see, my father was an inventor much like myself. His level of ambition kept fairly steady pace with his talents, so I’m told. But on that evening in question, ambition overtook talent… One of his projects backfired and caused the house to be set ablaze, along with my father.”

The flames licked high into the starless sky, a mixture of clouds and smoke choking off any light save for that of the inferno that engulfed the country estate. Crunching shoes on gravel heralded the approach of the masked man, his umbrella hung over his forearm as he inspected the rapidly decaying building with distaste.

A cursory examination of the area revealed the cause of the blaze; discarded bottles of kerosene littered the driveway amongst the shell-casings left over from the shooting. A faint smell of car exhaust still hung in the air.

“Was this really necessary?” He spoke towards the burning manor, striding forwards through the infernal archway with no more care than he would stroll through the park.

“I’m sure you shan’t believe me, but this wasn’t my handy-work. I liked the wife; she had some passion buried deep in that bitter old heart of hers.” The airy, female voice responded with a hint of disappointment hidden amidst the casual dismissal. The painted red lips of the woman’s mask smiled that same, impish smile as she examined a photo on the wall. The couple in the photo was young, almost twenty years younger than the present. “She would’ve made for wonderful fun… I certainly didn’t wish them dead.”

“Indeed? They didn’t seem the sort to make enemies. If what you say is true, this was… deeply unfortunate.”



“My father was killed almost instantly by the fire, before he even had a chance to warn the rest of us. Mother never woke up; the smoke inhalation got her in her sleep and by the time my brother had roused himself, she was beyond help.”

Silence hung in the air as the two figures gazed at the corpse on the bed, a round red hole in the center of her palm and her forehead, a spray of blood painted on the burning wall behind her. Within a minute, the whole place would be consumed by the flames.

“Where’s the husband?”

“In his workshop.”

“I was just a baby at the time, and my brother dashed into my room immediately to get me. He checked my mother for long enough to see she was gone before he ran from the house. Never went to look for my father… He doesn’t talk about it much. I think he feels guilty for leaving him behind without even trying to save him.”

The body of the man curled up in the corner of the lab was soaked with blood, though it seemed that the burning tongues of fire still had a few moments left before they would devour his remains. The light reflected off the lenses of the white gas mask as the suited man peered quietly at the dead inventor.

“I had such hopes for you.”

“Your hopes are no less vulnerable than his it seems.”

The woman turned on her heel and strode to the entrance of the lab, pausing in the churning inferno to look back at the silhouette of the figure still watching the body of the dead man.

“… I’m sorry this one got away from you.” With a puff of smoke, she vanished from the manor.

As the flames reached the inventor’s back, the Umbrella Man doffed his hat momentarily in a show of respect. But as he turned to leave, something caught his attention. Snapping his gaze back to the corpse, he spied an inconsistency.

Despite being riddled with bullets, the inventor’s lab-coat was entirely devoid of damage. Indeed; it looked as though he had pulled it on after being shot to pieces. Stepping over and touching the material, he noted that it was comprised of largely fire-proof material. The corpse wasn’t just curled up in the corner… it was curled up around something.

“Well now I’m curious,” the masked man said to the body, “what have you created that was worth spending your dying breaths trying to protect?”

He gently rolled the corpse onto its back…

“… I wasn’t wrong about you. Consider this my apology.”

Scooping the blonde-haired infant up in his arms, Umbrella Man tucked it protectively beneath his coat, turning and walking briskly out of the lab. His exodus from the building paused only for the briefest of moments to snatch up a framed family photo from the mantle-piece, his gloved thumb pressing down to extinguish the creeping embers that threatened to swallow it up.

With a deafening crash, the mansion finally gave way as its last living occupant was removed. Sirens wailed in the distance as fire-trucks and first-aid vehicles raced towards a scene they were too late to prevent.

“He carried me all the way to town, straight to the nearest hospital, and… well, the rest is history.”

“Poor souls… I wonder if anyone got out alive?”

“Sir! I’ve found something!”

The officer looked over as one of the fire fighters jogged over, a small bundle in his arms.

“It’s a baby, sir. Looks like someone carried it out.”

“Well bless my soul… Is there no-one around?”

“No sir.”

“… Hmm, might’ve been the same bastards who set the blaze in the first place; probably too guilty to leave the kid behind. Take it to the ambulance to get looked at.”

“Right away, sir.”

“Fascinating story, really… You know, as it so happens, I’ve known your uh… ‘brother’ for a long time. I knew your parents as well, though not nearly as thoroughly.”

“Really? You do? That’s unusual, I’ve never known anyone who ever knew my brother… He’s never spoken about you before.”

“No…” The elegantly dressed woman reclined in her chair, her fingers drumming gently along the tip of the cane on her lap, “… I don’t suppose he would. But I would love to tell you all about him…”
Umbrella Man: Little Sister
Every story starts somewhere... but not all stories are told equal.

Umbrella Man and his world are owned by me: :iconrythmear:
Sissy was created by :iconblazbaros:
Lady Cane was created by :iconbug-off:

You look, uh... you look... 

17 deviants said ROUND! SOFT... NO, ROUND!
15 deviants said DRUNK!
14 deviants said BLURRY!
14 deviants said Ravishing!

Umbrella Man at the Masked Symposium

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 28, 2011, 6:32 AM
Umbrella Man has something important to say...…

This video was only uploaded today, but the performance itself is actually several years old at this point - I'm just pleased that for once a video of one of my live performances was uploaded that I didn't hate.


Rather marvelous addition to the Umbrella Man library provided by :iconquest007:

Into the Madness by Quest007

Got three minutes to spare on a short documentary that a couple of gentlemen from the University of Newcastle made on me and the Umbrella Man?

Well check it out!

Umbrella Man Mythos Machine: Puppets and Glass by bluefluke

UmbrellaMan by JaimeMolina  LADY CANE 15-jun-2011 by JaimeMolina

Oh yes. That's right.


Alice: Madness Returns + Full Art Book

Portable iPod stereo.

Big Lebowski Shirt + 'Meh' Shirt + Team Neville Shirt

Stout Shako with Scorching Flames + Genuine El Jeffe

Dalek Key-Chain

Real-Life 'Tim the Enchanter' Hat.

AND: A super-awesome special something which I'll be uploading later.

The contest details are below... but first: I don't normally post these sorts of things since it has Nothing to do with me, but this picture is uber bad-ass, so I strongly suggest you go subscribe the SHIT out of the artist! Brink: Mission Compromised by ColAutumnsOvercoat

Ragtime Dandies by Siera LADY CANE 15-jun-2011 by JaimeMolina Its like Christmas mornin'. . by Blazbaros :D Do yourself a favour, and check out this picture. (Also, be sure to read the artists comments - and click ALL links... DO EET.)

Current Entries: Umbrella Man Boss: Crunch by ThunderManEXE :thumb207713381: Scalashura by Blazbaros Something of a Boss fight by Tris1994 Amphibios - The Frog Boss by ZombieMesh Umbrella Man and Jericho by saximaphone :thumb262737814:  ....… <-- (Not an Actual Entry)

Let's face it, video game bosses kick ass - specifically, yours. It's all well and good to root for the hero, but you can't deny that some of the most colourful and interesting characters in all of gaming are the Bosses that stand between you and victory.

Let's see if you can live up to that legacy! (Before you delve into this contest, it might be a good idea to remind yourself what sorts of Bosses there are!… )

Now - this is a pretty laid-back contest, and to make it easy for any number of people to get involved, there will be three different paths you can take:

#1 - Present yourself, or one of your characters, as a unique video-game boss.

#2 - Present yourself, or one of your characters, doing battle with a video-game boss comprised of one of My characters.

#3 - Present yourself, or one of your characters, taking the place of an existing video game boss and battling the hero.

This contest is open to both writers AND picture-makers  (and comic artists, gmodders, whatever tickles your fancy) - so long as you acknowledge the following tips:

You will gain points for: pretty much anything under the sun - so long as I can enjoy seeing (or reading about) your boss character, and how they would slot into the theoretical 'overall' story (which is also up to you). Obviously you'll do better if you can make it feel like your boss not only belongs there - but would be a fun challenge, but not unbeatable... lest they become 'that One boss'.

You will lose points for: quoting tired internet memes - copying age old jokes that have long since ceased to be funny - claiming that your 'character' is original, when they're clearly just a variation of an existing one... As much as I Love team fortress 2, your Engy with a rugged and manly beard does Not qualify as 'your character'.

And of course, you will more than likely gain points if you include Umbrella Man or Lady Cane somehow (even if they're just sipping tea in the background). They are NOT compulsory, as I don't want to stifle your creativity - but it certainly won't hurt your chances :P

The contest will end whenever I decide to end it - and I reserve the right to call it off if only a couple of people enter (those 16 prizes aren't going to give themselves away for free y'know! ... speaking of which)


As you might have guessed given the 'game' theme of this contest, ALL 16 PRIZES are games! (And Yes, that means that there can be up to 16 winners - so for the love of God, ENTER! You might win if only because of the sheer laziness of your fellow artists/writers). Here's the list in full - the first place winner will have first choice - followed by second, third, etc etc. Any leftover games...... I'll deal with later.

AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! - A Reckless Disregard For Gravity - (… )

Amnesia the Dark Descent - (… )

Audiosurf - (… )

Counter-Strike Source - (… )

Defense Grid: The Awakening - (… )

Half Life 2 - (… )

Half Life 2 - Deathmatch - (… )

Half Life 2 - Episode 1 - (… )

Half Life 2 - Episode 2 - (… )

Killing Floor - (… )

Left 4 Dead - (… )

Left 4 Dead 2 - (… )

Portal 2 - (… )

Serious Sam HD Edition (I think) - (… )

Super Meat Boy - (… )

The Wonderful End of the World - (… )

If you have any further questions, Ask! ( I just hope people actually Enter this one, it'd be a shame to have to keep all these games to myself... wait a sec. )

  • Listening to: Fairytale
  • Reading: The Painted Man
  • Watching: Umbrella Man Documentary
  • Playing: Team Fortress 2/Dishonored
  • Eating: Diet Food
  • Drinking: Water


The Umbrella Man
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Current Residence: My own skull
Favourite genre of music: Etherial
Favourite photographer: My mother
Favourite style of art: Photoshopping, Cartoons
Operating System: Windows... yeah.
MP3 player of choice: Anything that works and isn't an iPod
Shell of choice: Bullet
Wallpaper of choice: None - Wood is awesome.
Skin of choice: Freckled
Favourite cartoon character: Eric Cartman
Personal Quote: Indeed


Add a Comment:
burningrage8-13 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama!
heckkin Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
thx for the fleshy creature you gave me
Rythmear Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

Oh right.
heckkin Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
aka the lama
Devastar Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Dude, check this out, dude! Dude, like, dude, so dude! Duuude!…

In all seriousness, however, this made me think of you. :)
Rythmear Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
What on Earth is this website you're linking me to?


Kenisi Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2015
Many thanks for the llama, chief, have one yourself ^^
Rythmear Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Cheers mate :)
nipa101 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
cool photos man. by the way I'm Australian too:)
Rythmear Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Groovy! Cheers ^.^
Add a Comment: